I realize this is a tricky article to write. First of all because most Twin Flames are so heavily invested in the romantic outcome with the twin, that a blog as this one will easily be considered heresy or at the very best something most twins don’t want to hear. The most prominent fear that holds most Divine Feminines in its grip, is not having the romantic happy end they dream of with their beloved. I invite you to read this article anyway, because it will give you a deeper understanding of the Twin Flame journey.
The other issue is that for some it can easily be interpreted as a ‘hall pass’ to just continue meaningless relationships outside the Twin Flame connection for ALL the wrong reasons of which NONE of them actually have anything to do with love. It’s very tempting when you feel ignored and triggered in your own feelings of worthlessness by the person you love the most, to prove to them and yourself that you are in fact very desirable. But the truth is if you really did believe in your own worth, no one could trigger you in the first place and you wouldn’t need a random stand in to prove your non-existing point. If me saying this triggers you, that’s good please keep reading as well because this article will be an eye opener for you.
Hold on, weren’t you an advocate for celibacy?!
Yes, I was and still am. One of my best read articles and a cosmic joke the Universe pulled on me, was my article on Twin Flame celibacy that I wrote the week before my Twin Flame got married to someone else out of freaking nowhere.
It was as if Spirit had dictated to me, my next step despite outer appearances.
I had just finished writing it, when my twin showed up in my dream as the only warning I got of his pending marriage. He made love to me and held me in his arms while he told me that he was getting married and talked a little bit about the girl. Then he pulled me close and said ‘No matter what, I will love you forever.‘ and I felt completely at peace. So much so that I took notice in my dream, of how calm and peaceful I was despite this devastating news.
Three days later I wake up to his wedding pics on Facebook and by now my phone is exploding with messages from people who want to let me know my twin is getting married.
To be honest I did not feel as calm in real life as I had in the dream, but remembering how calm and at peace I had felt in the dream certainly helped me cope with this heartbreaking event. Up until the very last moment I was sure he was going to choose for us. I was utterly disappointed that instead, he had caved in to the pressure his family had put on him to agree to the girl they chose for him in an arranged marriage.
Working with Indian clients since then has made me understand the immense pressure families use and how low they can stoop, to get these marriages sealed. Something we as Westerners cannot comprehend, because it’s not part of our cultural conditioning.
The only thing that I knew for sure, that day that he got married was, that even if we couldn’t see how yet, this was going to turn out to be a blessing for all of us (including his wife) and messaged him this in Facebook messenger, which he read on his wedding night.
Though it seemed like everything was lost forever, I followed the instructions Spirit gave me in the article written previous to his marriage and stayed celibate. I had already been celibate two years by then and am actually still celibate now, while I write this article. I just looked at the date and see that funnily enough I am exactly 3,5 years celibate at this time, while my twin and I know each other a little over 4 years.
Around nine months after meeting him and around six months after my twin started running and refused to talk to me, I decided that if I wanted to have an out of this world love like I had experienced with him, to come and stay in my physical reality for good – I had to stop settling for relationships that offered me less.
I promised myself that until I was with him or I had met someone that really touched my heart in the way he had, I would not only stay single but also celibate and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
Why celibacy is important on this journey?
From a 3D perspective staying celibate makes no sense, I get that. There is also no external reason to stay celibate, despite the fact that I have been somewhat overweight since my last child, men have always found me very attractive. I didn’t need to find a young hot guy at the other end of the world, I had plenty of young hot guys here who were/are interested in me.
The same applies to my clients, I work with the most amazingly beautiful women, who could have any guy they want – yet they only want their twin. Just yesterday I was talking to an international model and the girl is a total bombshell – she has curves to be jealous of and still perfectly proportioned. This girl is a trophy on every man’s arm (3D perspective), still her twin is with someone else at the moment instead of with her and this is where the Twin Flame connection is unlike any other relationship you will have.
Because her guy or your guy is not with someone else to hurt you, or because that other person is better in any way – they are with someone else to trigger all your unhealed wounds about your own worth (solar plexus chakra wounding, baby).
When this happens you have two options, you can either stick your head in the sand and find an emotional crutch to lean on as fast as you can.
You can be a f*cking warrior and face what’s showing up inside of you….
You cannot face what is inside of you while playing hide the salami with some random dude, it just does not work. Because why would you be looking inside of you, while you are flying high in the sky on all those feel good hormones that are released by having sex? No instead you are thinking of your stud, waiting for him to call or send you a text. F*ck going into your trauma and pain, when you can feel good now. Instant gratification at your finger tips… That is exactly what sticking your head in the sand looks like!
I would not be where I am today, if I wouldn’t have used my Twin Flame separation wisely to work on everything it triggered in me. This took a lot of commitment, not towards him but towards myself to stay open, to stay present, to stay loving no matter what inside of me wanted and needed to be seen.
I couldn’t have journeyed down so deeply in myself and in my own pain and fears if I would have had to deal with a sexual relationship with my twin or anyone else. Healing yourself can be exhausting, I needed all my energy and attention for me – I didn’t have anything to give to someone else in that way, because once you do start filling your own cup, you start to feel how much you have deprived yourself of love.
It takes time to get used to filling up on self love. It’s pretty much like learning to walk all over again – a massive feat that only can be achieved from within.
As long as you are with someone else in between be it your twin or someone else, it’s so tempting to fall back into the pattern of seeking love from the outside to fill the void you feel inside.
But that my dear one, is the essence of the Twin Flame journey – to find the love you are seeking within which then is reflected back to you in your physical reality experience, to the exact degree of self love you have cultivated inside yourself.
Instead of going to find someone else to love you, when the Twin Flame pulls back – we are forced to learn to love ourselves when we choose for celibacy.
And it may sound as if I am talking about sex now, but don’t underestimate how strongly as a woman you have been conditioned to try and get love through sex. It is the essence of a patriarchal society, which has been around for at least the past 4,000 years or so in which a woman’s worth was defined by her desirability in the eyes of a man.
Your reasons for not loving yourself run deep
But not only a patriarchal society is to blame for both men and women to not love themselves, it goes much deeper than that. There are many influences that play a role, both external and most importantly internal – which is were all false beliefs need to be healed no matter if you think they are external in origin or not. Because the external is but a reflection of a deeper internal belief.
As human beings we have been conditioned by culture, church, society, school, our family including ancestry to not practice self love as it is labelled and judged with words that carry a very heavy negative connotations like selfish, narcissistic, egoistic, vain, etc.
You would think all these people and institutions are to blame, but first of all they just mirror our own judgement of ourselves and the negative labels we hold true about ourselves on a deep subconscious level. This is at the same time the purpose of these external manifestations, to trigger us into remembering the parts of us that we have judged, condemned and even disowned.
You see loving yourself a phrase that is so carelessly tossed around these days is really all about what you believe and hold to be true about yourself.
Since I have worked so deeply on myself, I have had over a 100 sessions with various healers in only the past year and many more before that – which have led to my psychic powers increasing to such a degree that I can not only bring people to their core wounds but also help them find the parts of themselves that they condemn or have disowned because of their shame, guilt and disgust at themselves from this lifetime and previous lifetimes.
It’s these subconscious wounds in which they judge and condemn themselves that are at the root of their lack of self acceptance, self love and feelings of unworthiness.
We do not believe in our unworthiness because someone mirrored us this, we believe in it based on our interpretations of ourselves and our own behaviors in the past. Twin Flame teachers are always saying that union is an inside job and this is so true, there is nothing happening outside of you that is not a reflection of what you believe and hold to be true inside of you.
The job of your Twin Flame is to help you become aware of ALL the places inside of you where you do not love yourself. Him/her pulling back or starting a relationship with someone else, serves to trigger these deep judgement of yourself that you are not even consciously aware of holding to be true inside of you.
New comers to the Twin Flame journey are always gushing about their unconditional love for their twin, which is in fact more a codependent ‘I’ll sacrifice anything to be with you, no matter what’ kind of love. I know this, because just like all of you I went through all these emotions as well.
But the point of this journey is to learn to love yourself unconditionally, for when you do – you will be able to love everybody else this way, twin or not.
When you learn to love yourself unconditionally no matter what, your physical reality experience will reflect this back to you in all people, situations and circumstances you meet. This is the creation of Heaven on Earth, a reality that loves and supports you unconditionally in every moment of existence.
So what about love and romance beyond the Twin Flame connection?
This is the tricky part of this article because many Divine feminine’s feel they are ready for love and romance with someone else when their twin has been MIA two weeks or in any case after a couple of months of separation. The whole I’ll just settle for a soulmate instead bit, that you hear Divine feminines in desperation about their Twin Flame connection say just about everywhere on the internet.
But listen up ladies, nobody wants to be a plan B!
It is also an indication that you are not ready to give love unconditionally, you are looking to GET love from outside of you. You are seeking a romantic love relationship to lick your wounds in, in fact you are coming in with an empty cup trying to get your cup filled by someone who is second choice in your eyes. How do you ever see this working out?! A set-up like this is a recipe for disaster and disappointment.
You have to allow this journey to bring you to your destination first, your inner transformation. So that when you would enter in a new relationship with your twin or someone better, you come in with your own cup flowing over.
I have known from the day my Twin Flame ran, that he was my twin which means I have actively been on this journey for four years. I have been working on my own healing in such an extreme pace that I am exhausted and know that I couldn’t even continue like this if I had to. I have journeyed so deep inside myself and have unf*cked myself to the core, releasing false beliefs I have carried with me for eons and eons.
But as I explained in my recent article on the knock-on effect our healing has on our twins. it wasn’t up till recently that I have successfully overcome the relationship dynamic that has made all my previous relationships unfulfilling and that I actually feel confident that any relationship I will enter in now, will be successful in the way I have always hoped.
This is because until you have healed your past life and inner child wounds, you will keep playing them out – especially in your most intimate relationships.
In this stage in my journey I have fully let go of the idea of a romantic outcome with my twin. I am eternally grateful for where meeting him and this journey has brought me, because it is an amazing place to be. Yet, at this point he has just started his own business again and I am off to travel the world. He is growing roots and I am releasing them, so for now we appear to be travelling in opposite directions and that is okay.
Clients who spend time with me in real life are always surprised by the fact that I am so relaxed and calm about my Twin Flame connection. The reason I am so calm about it (even though I also have lapses in faith sometimes) is because I have learned to trust the Divine plan at play between him and I. I would not have been where I am today, if I had gotten my way and we would have already been together when I thought we should have. Even worse I would have not been able to create the relationship of my dreams with him, because I was not ready to give equality in a romantic relationship due to my own childhood and past life wounding.
I really believe that if this man and I are meant to be together in this lifetime, our higher selves will orchestrate this reunion perfectly.
But I will no longer ‘wait’ for or anticipate it. Until now it made perfect sense to stay single and celibate, because I needed this time alone for the inner alchemical transformation I have gone through. Due to the knock-on effect on the twin, he will most likely level up to me in the coming period but I will not put my energy in hoping or waiting for this as this, will only create more delays and waiting.
If you wait – the Universe, waits with you.
I know to many of you it will seem unfair to do all this work and then not end up with the twin, yet that holding on tightly to the romantic outcome you desire – is one of the biggest blocks to physical union as it creates an energy stagnation.
This is actually one of the first things I teach in my program for Twin Flames, to allow the Universe to bring in your heart’s desire in the perfect way. Insisting to the Universe that it HAS to be your Twin Flame is like insisting that the money you want the Universe to have show up in your life, comes through winning the lottery. The Universe has unlimited channels to bring you what you want and the more you open yourself up to being non-resistant to how you get what you want (which is the Universe’s job, creating the HOW) the quicker the Universe is able to give you what you WANT in the way that suits you best in that moment.
On my own journey now, I feel ready to open up to love again and meet whomever my soul has lined up for me. I want to fall in love again, hold hands, kiss and talk for hours – make love deeply and passionately. I have no idea what that would look like with my current travel plans, but what I do know is that this person will show up by themselves. I do not have to hit the clubs to find them or set up an online dating profile, like everything it is a decision you make inside yourself and then the Universe runs with it.
I have noticed that making this decision alone has made me visible to men again and is getting me the right kind of male attention, i.e. interested looks and big open smiles – where before even my twin’s friends wanted to have sex with me which is just awkward when they even have the nerve to tell you this.
But it also shows you how raising your vibrational frequency changes everything and that is what the healing work does, it helps you release all the stuck emotions and low frequency beliefs that have been weighing down your vibrational field.
I am curious to see what (romantic) love experience the Universe will bring me, now that I have come full circle on my Twin Flame journey and have healed so much past life and inner child wounds. I have come in a phase of my journey that I am really embracing my feminine side, shifting out of doing into being.
Really owning your worth
Until now the contact between me and my twin has largely depended on me initiating contact with him and I am no longer willing to do so. I want a man that pursues me especially if he has told me that now that he has me in his life he never wants to let me go, even if he would marry someone else… and his voice broke with emotion when he said it.
I am of course happy my twin did not pursue me while he was married, because that is a situation that leads nowhere for all involved.
However I am ready to explore my femininity with someone who IS available and who wants to share his heart, his soul and his life with me. I am very aware of the fact that my twin wants this too and he has told me so, but at the same time he has been ALL words and no action up till now.
Which is his God given right, but not something I want to bridge for him anymore.
Yes, I could have concluded that 4+ years ago when he first ran and I would have done it out of ego but it would have made me the biggest loser in this game, because sticking through with this difficult dynamic has freed me of being my own jailer of an imprisonment I only imagined I was in. If I would have pulled up bogus boundaries back then, I would have not have gone through this utter life-changing transformation that I have.
I would have attracted the same kind of ‘*sshole’ like I have had before and played out the exact same wounding that I had on rinse and repeat in all my previous relationships, but that I have been able to heal now.
Part of really loving yourself and healing your wounds of unworthiness, is that you start to step into your true worth which doesn’t need to be proved or validated. It’s a knowing inside of you that changes your whole energy. Going down this road these past four years has brought me to really stand in my power and in my own worth, instead of trying to bully someone in giving me what I want from them which is the 3D norm in romantic love relationships.
For all you women (guys too) struggling now wondering if you can trust this crazy dynamic between you and your twin, my message to you is: ‘Yes, trust it – dive deep inside yourself and rise like the phoenix from the ashes!’
Whether you end up with your twin or not doesn’t matter, because you will have transformed so much that anyone that is brought to you by the Law of Attraction after this will reflect back to you every part of you, you have owned and learned to love.
Above all remember that sometimes letting go is the ONLY way, to get what you want.
I pray that this article gives you the guts to trust your own Twin Flame connection and to dive deep into your own wounds. The best way I can support you in this is through my group program, the Align to Your Divine Plan Twin Flame Mastery Program which gives you a a step by step guide to your Twin Flame journey and creating inner union, sign up for the Gangsta Goddesses Tribe and you get instant access to my online program the Align to Your Divine Plan Twin Flame Mastery Program.
Articles such as these take hours and hours to write. I write them to help the Twin Flame collective better understand the journey they are on. If you liked this article or if it helps you shift your perception, please know that donations are very thankfully received.
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Wishing you magic and miracles on this amazing adventure with your beloved.
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Lots of love,